Time

Life as we know it is about to change drastically. We only have 16 days left in Kenya. 16 days. That doesn't even sound right, or seem real. We are having a really difficult time with this...it is so hard to think about leaving this home.

There are so many things we are trying to do to make the most of our time...and yet no matter how hard we try we can't change the fact that it is almost over. The goodbyes are looming ahead of us and we can't avoid that. Change is coming.

Kenya to Canada.

Big city to small town.

Compound living to our own yard.

Hot weather to Canadian winter.

Minority to majority.

Ministry to "regular jobs".

New friends to old friends.

Life is changing. And I don't deal with change very well. This is going to be a tough one. We would really value your prayers for us, especially during these next few weeks as we start letting go. My heart almost feels like it's in mourning...even though we are planning on returning to Kenya as soon as we can, this chapter is still closing. And you know that quote that says "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"?? Well, I'm crying because it's over. Just so you know!

Family and friends, we are still really looking forward to spending a lot of time with you and catching up and just being together and especially being home for Christmas...we just have to deal with all the goodbyes here before we can really think about the hellos to come.

Thanks for letting me vent. More to come, I'm sure. : )

A Message From Elly

First of all…we just want to thank those of you who so generously gave to Elly and his sons. The support and concern you showed was overwhelming, and we are just so grateful.

Last week we went to visit Elly and Timothy and Wesley in their home in Kawangware. We hadn’t been there since Violet passed away, and it was quite difficult to go, to be honest. But we knew that we needed to and really wanted to see the boys again. Elly and his sons met us at the road and walked beside our car as we drove into the slum. We parked the car at the usual spot and greeted the boys, who both welcomed us with shy smiles.

Walking through the door of their small home was difficult. Their place has lost it’s life and it’s depressing without Violet there. But Elly has been doing his best to continue to give his sons the best life possible and he is trying so hard. We bought some treats for Wesley and Timothy, and it was so much fun to see them peek into the bag, then close it. Peek into the bag, then close it. Over and over again! They are such sweet boys!! And they have grown so much since we saw them last!! We admired their school work and perused through their test scores and other work that they’ve done. Elly told us the story again about losing Violet and explained the many hardships he has faced since that day. Life has been very cruel.

But you guys, Elly is so incredibly thankful for the financial support you have shown him. He said to tell you that he feels so blessed that you helped him, even though most of you have never even met him. This money will help get him back on his feet and hopefully help him make a new start for him and his sons. He is so thankful for your prayers, and has asked that you continue upholding his family in prayer.

I wish I could better communicate his humble thankfulness, but just know that you have indeed been more of a blessing than you’ll ever fully realize. Thank you for allowing God to use you in this awesome way! You have Elly’s deepest gratitude!!

May God bless you.

Kenyan Wedding!

If you are needing a pick-me-up, something to cheer your heart, or just something to make you really happy…attend a Kenyan wedding!!

We were invited to our first wedding in Kenya! Two good friends of ours, James and Mimie, got married on November 7. It was an incredible day and such a joy to witness their commitment to each other! It was at All Saints Cathedral…a place popular for weddings…there were 3 weddings that day!

James and Mimie’s wedding was supposed to start at 2:00 pm. When we got there, the other couple from the previous wedding was just leaving the Church and taking pictures outside with all their guests still present. So we waited outside with a bunch of our friends until we could start entering the Church. It was about 2:30 when we sat down. Then, much to our surprise, the decorating started! Many people were running around with candles and tulle, aisle runners and flowers, ribbon and bows! So we were entertained as we sat, waiting for the wedding to actually begin! And it should also be noted that even though the decorating was incredibly rushed and frantic, the Church was so beautiful when they were done!!

The ceremony was quite similar to the wedding ceremonies we are used to at home. The most notable difference was that it was just much longer, almost 2 hours long. (It began about 3 pm, and was finished about 5 pm). But other than that, it was really not so different. It was beautiful and very moving to witness.

The reception was held at a place called the Jockey Club…a night reception at an outdoor venue with many white tents covered in white lights…you can imagine the beauty!! We feasted on so much food…a whole lot of nyama choma (bbq meat!) and other great food! The dancing began when James and Mimie got there…it was fun, fun, fun!! All the ladies went to meet them when they arrived and “danced them in” to the reception, complete with traditional songs…it was so great! The party got started and the dancing never ended…well except when the electricity failed and we lost all lights and music for awhile!! It wouldn’t be Kenya without that though…haha!

All in all, it was such an amazing day and we felt so blessed to be there with them. Now we’re excited for the next wedding coming up on Saturday…! =)

Esther

I always know when Esther has something important to say. Before she even says it, I know. I know because she takes so long to say it. Typically she is funny, always singing, and always has something to say. But when there’s something really important on her heart, she gets silent.

Esther is twelve years old. Her story is one of heartache and fear. Yet the heartache and fear don’t just live in her past, they live in her present. Every day, she deals with unimaginable hurt and abuse. It was in September when she first opened up to me about her life. And it was in September that I felt my heart start to get cynical, because I felt that there so little I could do for this girl.

You see, when I first met Esther, her eyes were bright. There was laughter in her voice. She was a sweet little girl. But slowly, I began to notice changes in her. At first, it was just that she didn’t seem to sing and laugh as much as she used to. Then it was that her eyes failed to meet mine when we would talk. And her smile completely disappeared. Then it seemed as though these changes in her spirit were physically affecting her body. Her hair seemed dull. Always unkempt. Her skin seemed to get discoloured. Her eyes lost all life. Something was very, very wrong.

I would ask her. She wouldn’t talk. Before I really knew her, I assumed that it was that she didn’t want to tell me, and so I didn’t push her. But one day, I decided that I would sit with her as long as it took for her to open her heart and let me see the pain residing there. So we sat. In silence. Complete silence.

Finally I asked her if she wanted to go back to the school and play. She shook her head no. So we sat in silence again. After many minutes, she said, “I want to talk to you.” But she didn’t talk. And so we sat. I prayed for God to be with this child and her struggles and to give her the courage to speak. Haltingly, she told her story. Piece by piece. Event by awful event.

Since that day in September, Esther and I have been best buds. There is a mutual understanding between us that I know what’s going on in her life and that I am ready to listen whenever she needs to talk. But in my heart, since that day, I have felt like I completely let her down. Because there is so little I can do for her. There is so little I can do to change her situation. I have told the people who need to be told about it, and there is so little that they can do as well. For many reasons (that I can’t divulge), for now, she has to be left in this situation she deals with every day. And it kills me.

I pray for her. I hang out with her. I sit in her home with her. I sing with her. I laugh with her. I talk with her. I listen to her. I hug her. I tell her I love her. And I felt like I was doing NOTHING. Because this child is suffering. And I felt like I was standing by and letting it happen.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I was sitting in her home with her and her younger sister. It was after school and I went to go hang out with them. They wanted to sing songs for me and I readily agreed to listen. So I sat there beside Esther on the hard couch. I waved at the many little children who were peeking through the lacy curtain that serves as a door to this humble home. My feet were resting on the mud floor. My eyes squinted in the dark trying to see Esther’s sister sitting on the bed. My ears were filled with the sounds of these two sisters singing praise songs to the Lord. And I was praying in my heart. Praying for God’s spirit to fill this home. Praying for peace. Praying for all evil to flee. Praying for transformation. Pleading with God. Realizing the power of fervent prayer added to the simple faith of two girls who were filling this home with the name of Jesus.

I was sick on the weekend, and so I didn’t see her again until the following Wednesday. As soon as she saw me, she excitedly came to me and said “Andrea, I have some good news!” I immediately wanted to know, but she wanted to wait until after school to tell me. But her eyes were bright and full of life. And I knew it had to be good, because this girl had life again.

After school came. We walked out of the slum and into the field area. She was silent, but brimming with excitement. And I waited for her to talk. She held my hand. Stroked my fingers. Wanted to talk, but didn’t. And so I continued to wait.

“Do you remember what you said to me last week?” she asked me after many minutes. I say a lot of things {grin} so I didn’t know what she was referring to.

“You told me that you were praying for me,” she reminded me. “And do you know that after last week, nothing bad has happened to me??!” {she explained the details which I don’t want to share on here, but our prayers were answered VERY significantly!!}

I don’t know if my smile has ever been bigger or more genuine after hearing her say those words! I threw my arms around her and we rejoiced together that God had answered our prayers!

“I had a dream about you last week,” she said. “I dreamed that you were really sick and that I prayed for you, and God healed you. Then the next day I heard that you actually were sick, so I prayed for God to heal you and I told everyone that I knew you would be here today because God is going to heal you! And then I saw you today!! Andrea, I always pray for you.”

God was showing both of us the amazing power of prayer! We hugged and danced and laughed together. What a privilege to be a part of this girl’s happiness, and for our God to show both of us how great and mighty He is! This has cemented our relationship like nothing else.

I learned a lesson that day. A lesson about the greatness of our God. A lesson about the intense LOVE He has for His children. But most significantly, a lesson about how when I feel as though I am not doing anything, when I feel like I am “just” praying, that my prayers are going to the ALMIGHTY GOD! That I am not going to the president. I am not going to the chief. I am not going to any parent. I am going to GOD! The only One who is in complete control. And that He hears my prayers. Even when my faith is so weak, He shows me that He cares. He shows me that he heard my cry. And He answered.

In my distress I called upon the Lord;
To my God I cried for help.
From His temple He heard my voice,
And my cry to Him reached His ears.

Psalm 18:6

The Lord is near to all who call on Him;
To all who call on Him in truth.
He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him;
He also hears their cry and saves them.
Psalm 145:18-19

Two today!

Yes, that's right!

Two new entries in one day :-)
('Reality.' and 'The Story. The Tapestry. The Beauty.')

Consider leaving a comment, shooting us an email (ta.wolfe@hotmail.com), writing us on Facebook, whichever way you wanna do it...let us know if you are reading this blog! We would REALLY appreciate it.. (and while you're at it...let us know what you think of it...what is happening in your life...what God is teaching you...anything!)

It is always so encouraging to hear from you, and to know who we are speaking to through our blog.

=)

And something to make you think:

"Where your talents and the needs of the world cross lies your calling." {Aristotle}

Reality.

What is your reality?

Let me tell you about someone else’s reality. A lot of someones, actually.

Reality for a group of class 7 boys. A free HIV/AIDS clinic comes to the slum. You can get tested. You can know your status. Scary thought when you really don’t know what the outcome will be. When you know that there is a possibility that you are HIV+.

I walked into the class 7 room to see a bunch of boys holding yellow cards and discussing something amongst each other in Kiswahili. They each excitedly held out their cards to me and said “I’m negative!!” The joy. If I could express to you the joy in their voices. And on their faces. “I’m negative!!”

One boy told me that this is the fourth time he has gotten tested. “And I’m still negative Andrea!”

Another boy said that this was his very first time. “And I tested negative, Andrea!!”

I told each of them how happy I was for them. It was an exciting occasion for these.

But what about those who’s result wasn’t what they wanted to hear” To see on their yellow card “HIV+”?? What about those? Their reality will be the fact that they now have to live with this awful disease. They now have to live with the shame. With the disgrace. What about their reality?

There is a small boy in the nursery class. His name is John. He is six years old. He has AIDS. John is so sick. They fear he is in the last stages. He barely eats. His father refuses to take care of him. His mother passed away a few months ago. John is dying. What about his reality? He did nothing to deserve getting this killing disease. He was just born. Born to die. We all are, but not like this. It is difficult to even look at this boy. It is as though his spirit has already left. It is as though he has lost any will to live. It is as though this tiny little six year old boy has given up on life. What about his reality?

What about the two boys in class 6? Born with this disease. Having experienced much discrimination and disgrace already in their young lives, they know what it means to be shunned. To be unwanted. To be unloved. Because of a disease they did nothing to contract. What is going to become of them? What about their reality?

What about those girls who get raped? Many by people in their own family. What about them?? Getting abused is awful enough, but what about when the attack gives them a disease? A disease like AIDS? Their lives have been forever altered. Their future has been forever changed. What about their reality?

Think about your reality.

Think about the reality of these children in this slum.

Please, please remember to pray for them.

The Story. The Tapestry. The Beauty.

It is August 2002. Trevor and I meet for the first time at Eagles Nest Bible Camp. We have both worked at this camp before, but this is the first time our paths have crossed. We see in each other a love for kids and for ministry. Our friendship begins.

And the tapestry has been started.

Jump ahead 3 years to May 14, 2005. We commit our lives to each other in marriage, not having any idea what God has in store for us. We are giddy and happy and so excited for what the future holds. Meanwhile, God has orchestrated our lives to fit together for purposes we could not have imagined.

It is now a few months after our wedding day. It is Missions Conference weekend in our Church. God speaks to both our hearts, and we commit to God “Wherever. Whenever. Whatever.” We don’t really have a clue as to what this will mean. But we say that we are willing to do whatever He may ask of us.

Unknown to us, He is constantly working on this tapestry, weaving the details in ways that only make sense to Him.

It is January of 2006. A Kenyan family has started attending our Church, and they are talking about taking a group of people back to Kenya with them to help in an orphanage. We wonder “is this what God spoke to us about??” We are so excited, and join the group.

Now, September, 2006. We have spent three weeks in an orphanage in Kenya. We loved deeply and completely. We also hurt deeply and completely. Something happens in both of our hearts during that time and we sense a strong assurance that we will be back. We just don’t know how or when or where.

And God is still working.

Missions Conference 2006. God has a way of using these weekends to speak to us, we realize. After a particular Sunday night session, God reveals to us His call in our lives to over-seas missions. We are scared, terrified, frightened, excited. This is it.

It is a few months later. Seven months, to be exact. May 2007. We apply with Africa Inland Mission. We say that we are looking into going to Africa for maybe three months. Or maybe six. We have an interview and our provincial mobilizer asks us if we would consider going for a year. A whole year? We pray about it. And agree. Still not knowing what we will be doing. Or even what country we will be going to. But we are excited.

We have months of waiting. Of paperwork. And applications. Stuff we don’t enjoy doing at all. We are tempted to give up and just stay home. But God doesn’t let us. And so we press on.

Missions conference 2007. We are encouraged to give our all to Christ. Our whole lives. Our whole being. It is just the encouragement we need to keep going.

November 2007 we hear about a possible placement in Nairobi, Kenya. Trevor working as a mechanic. I could get involved in youth ministry. It sounds so great. (even though we don’t want to live in the city, we think we could do it for a year..)

It is December 2007 and Kenya has elections. The following months leave Kenya in turmoil and trouble. They call it “post-election violence”. AIM calls it “possibly unsafe for you to come to Kenya at this time”. We are confused. We felt so much peace to come to Nairobi. What are we supposed to do? We tell AIM that we would still like to come to Nairobi if it is at all possible. Please just let us come. And so they do.

It is September 10, 2008. We leave home. We leave family. It is hard. We begin to wonder what we got ourselves into. We don’t know if we are cut out for this.

The next couple of months are so hard. I don’t have a placement. I don’t have very much love for Kenya. I am so disappointed. Trevor, meanwhile, loves his new job. He gets into his ministry very quickly. He find fulfilment. He feels like he could do this forever. I can’t wait for our year to be done. Little do we know how He is using this to teach us and create intricacies and designs which will only be beautiful later. At this point, we feel like this is a mess. We are a mess.

It is January 2009. We have survived our first Christmas away from home. Away from our country. And something changes. January brings about new life in our hearts and attitudes. It is like we have changed. Especially me. I get involved in ministry in the slum. I see a bit of God’s heart for the children living there. And my heart breaks. And my attitude changes. I can start to see why Trevor wants to do this forever.

We continue to get asked if we are coming back to Kenya after our year commitment is over. We say we don’t know. We say that it’s a tough decision. We say that God hasn’t shown us yet. But deep in our hearts, we know the answer. How could we not come back? But the thought is just so scary to say out loud. So we don’t.

It is June. Trevor gets asked officially if we will consider coming back to Kenya full time. It still sounds so scary to talk about. Such a big commitment. Such a drastic decision. But we know. We’ve known the answer all along. God has been preparing our hearts for so many years and we’ve just been too afraid to take the next step. To follow him completely. To run after Him wholeheartedly. We have been so afraid. So we decide to say yes. It is so scary. It is so exciting. It is so overwhelming. And yet it is so peaceful.

And we are given a glimpse of the beautiful, intricate work God is making of our lives. And it amazes us.

It is the day after our big decision. Satan comes after us. He discourages us. He frightens us. He tires us. He bombards us with doubts. With questions. With petty things that cause us to fight and disagree. He threatens disunity in our marriage. He discourages us in our ministries. We realize what this is and ask people to pray for us. The funny thing is that the very things that satan is trying to use to destroy us are the very things that make us want to be strong. To hold to our decision. To keep our eyes on Christ, no matter the cost. But this battle goes on for months. And we are a mess.

We decide to extend our year commitment by three months. We feel that God is not finished with us in Kenya. We need to stay longer.

It is July. And August. And September. While we are still struggling, we have peace. God is bringing new friends into our lives. God brings us closer to our cell group where we meet with Kenyan friends our age and discuss the Word of God. God gives us a Church family. Not just a Church. But a family. In the midst of the storm, God calms the waves.

And now. It is October. 2009. We have grown to love Kenya. We have grown to deeply love the Kenyan people. We have made very close friendships. We have fallen in love with our ministries. We feel fulfilment. We feel contentment. We feel that we are home. We both do. God has done different things in our hearts, but our stories are intertwined. We are at the same place.

Trevor has built strong, deep ties with his Kenyan co-workers. He has given new life to the shop. He has put his heart into it. Sweat. Blood. Tears. And has seen results. The difference is noticeable. The vision is sparked. The future is bright. The excitement is high. It is more than just a repair shop. It is a place of relationships. It is a place of restoration, but not just on vehicles. It is a place of great potential. It is God’s work. And Trevor is His more-than-willing vessel. It is exciting.

Mitumba slum. The place I have lost my heart. It may be with the girl who has lost her parents who now calls me Mom. It may be with the boy who is HIV+ and struggles every day. It may be with all the youth who inspire me with their questions and commitment. It may be with that little baby who begs for me to hold him. It may be with all those kids who’s parents abuse them every day. It may be with the kids who don’t have enough food to eat. The truth is, each of these and more holds my heart. And I don’t even want it back. I love this place. My heart loves this place. But my heart is also broken by this place.

Now. Only six weeks left. We feel a sense of panic. It feels wrong. We can’t be leaving yet. It’s too soon. We love it here. We are meant to be here. This is where we belong. And yet we know that the same God who has orchestrated our lives from the beginning, the God who sorted out all the problems, the One who showed us His plan piece by piece, the One who not only sees the big picture and gives us a small glimpse of it, but who also takes care of meeting the smallest of our needs….HE is the One who is in control!! He is the One who understands. He is the One who will bring us back to Kenya in His time. He knows! And it is in this that we find peace.

It is in Him that we find peace.

This tapestry God is creating is far from finished. And at many times looks far from beautiful. From where we sit, it looks like a mess. Like it doesn’t make sense. But God in His grace has allowed us a glimpse a time or two. Just a glimpse. He is creating beauty out of our mess. He is creating loveliness out of our confusion. He is creating splendour out of our pain. He is the Master Designer.

It is in Him that we become beautiful.