Imagine that you live on a farm. Imagine that you have worked hard from the time you were young, gone to school for awhile as a child, but then could never finish school because of the work and too many school fees for your parents to pay.
Imagine that you marry. But as you are still struggling, you don’t have enough money to pay the dowry required by your fiancé’s family. You are still allowed to marry her, granted that you will pay the dowry at a later date.
Now imagine that you move to the city. You don’t enjoy the city or have any desire to live there, but because of the difficulties in making a living on your farm, you have no choice. When you get to the city, you move to a slum. You find yourself a tiny, one room house made of iron sheets, surrounded by thousands of other houses just like this one. A lot of danger and difficulty comes with moving to a place like this, but you can’t afford anything else, because even with this incredibly small and awful place, you still have to pay rent.
You and your wife have two children. Boys. With both of those births come many complications and you nearly lose your wife both times. Your relationship becomes strained and a wall goes up between you after these difficult years and your relationship never fully recovers.
During this time, you are struggling to make a living to feed your family. You find a good job…but a good job for an uneducated person still won’t make ends meet. You make 550 shillings a day. About $9. So some days there just is no money for food. Yet you struggle to give your children the best life possible. You vow that they will go to school so that they can have a better chance. You promise them that they will get the things that you never had. They will get an education. They will make it. They will prosper. And so you fight. And you struggle. School fees are so expensive. And there are the uniforms to pay for. The school supplies to buy.
Imagine now that your wife gets sick. So sick. Her body is weak and frail. She is only in her mid thirties and yet she does not have the energy to get out of bed. She cannot make food for the family. So you work even harder to get extra money for the medical expenses. You worry. You pray.
It’s Christmas Eve, 2008. You nearly lose your wife. You spend the Christmas holidays in the hospital. She doesn’t die, but is still so very sick. Your boys are constantly worried. Especially the younger one, who is only three. He doesn’t understand why his mama is so different and why she does not even have the strength to speak to him.
The months go on. Your hope begins to grow as your wife is regaining her strength day by day. The medications seems to be working. You begin to make plans as a family for your future. The sun seems to be shining on you again. You begin to dream of a better life. You decide to move your family back to the country. Back to the farm. You want to raise your boys close to your family. You want them to learn skills that they will not learn living in a slum in the city. You work hard.
It’s July 2009. Your wife’s health has suddenly taken a turn for the worse again. You spend more money on hospital bills and ask people to pray. She will get better, you are sure of it. After all, she did before.
It’s Wednesday, July 29. Your wife has died. You don’t understand. Why?? Why me??
You begin the process of laying your wife’s body to rest. You have no money for all these things. It costs so much money. People rally around to help. You have to find a coffin. Something not too expensive. So you barter on a price.
You have to find a vehicle to transport your wife’s body back to her home in the country. This too, is so expensive.
You have to provide food for everyone who comes to the funeral. And not just a little bit of something for people to snack on. But good food. A lot of it. Including costly food like meat.
Imagine that during this time of grief and mourning, your wife’s family is not supportive of you. In fact, they actually come to your house and steal your things. They steal your camera that you were using to make extra money as you were learning photography. They steal your wife’s clothing. They steal your boys’ clothing. They even steal their school uniforms. They take whatever money your wife had before she died. They take all your ID.
They claim that it is all rightfully theirs. And yet, during all these years of struggle for you and your wife, they were never there to help. Even though they lived in the city, they never cared enough to even come to your house. Your father in law has now insisted that you also pay the dowry. The dowry that you could not afford before you got married. It is a lot. Money plus animals.
You now have to decide what you are going to do. How will you continue to make a living to provide for your children? How will you be there for your boys when you have to work? How will you make it? What is best for your boys?
Your boys miss their mother. They don’t understand. They ask for her everyday. You have begun to tell them that she will be here tomorrow, just so that you can see them happy again. But you know that you can’t keep up those stories forever. You don’t know how to break their hearts all over again.
How will you pay for your kids schooling? How will you pay someone to come to the house to cook and clean and be home when your boys come home from school, the things your wife used to do? What about when your children get sick? You have no extra money. None. There is no savings account. Or that extra money tucked away for emergencies. There is no money. What will you do when the unexpected things happen? And there is still that dowry to pay.
I am asking you to imagine these things with me because they are real. This is Elly’s story. You remember hearing about him in previous months? He works on our compound as a gardener. We have grown to love him and his family throughout our time in Kenya.
I looked into his bloodshot eyes, shiny with tears, as he asked me for help this afternoon.
“I tried so hard to save Violet’s life,” he told me brokenly. “I tried so hard.”
“I have some questions I want to ask God at the final judgement. I have a lot of questions for Him. Why me? After all my years of struggle, after all the things we’ve gone through…now death? Now you take my wife? We had plans! Is this a punishment? Because if it is, it feels like it is just too harsh.”
Elly needs your prayers. His two sons, Wesley and Timothy, need your prayers. I cannot even explain to you the look in his eyes. Hopelessness. Defeat. Despair.
I don’t want to have you read this story and just think that it is a story that is supposed to tear at your heartstrings. Because yes, I hope that it makes you feel for this family. But I want you to realize that this is real. This is LIFE for a widower and his children. He is only thirty-five years of age. His sons are age six and three.
If by reading this story you feel that you could and should help financially, please send us an email at ta.wolfe@hotmail.com. We have an account that you could put money into and we can access it here and give it to Elly. Any amount would be so much appreciated.
Please, this dear family needs us to stand behind them. They need us.
"I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end
His word declares this truth:
That we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more
We’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day we’ll hold on to You always
I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step where you’ve walked out all alone
Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
‘Cause joy and peace He brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting
I can’t wait until that day where the very One I’ve lived for always
Will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery
This is why, this is why I sing
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more
We’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day we’ll hold on to You always "
{There Will Be A Day. Jeremy Camp}
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