The Story. The Tapestry. The Beauty.

It is August 2002. Trevor and I meet for the first time at Eagles Nest Bible Camp. We have both worked at this camp before, but this is the first time our paths have crossed. We see in each other a love for kids and for ministry. Our friendship begins.

And the tapestry has been started.

Jump ahead 3 years to May 14, 2005. We commit our lives to each other in marriage, not having any idea what God has in store for us. We are giddy and happy and so excited for what the future holds. Meanwhile, God has orchestrated our lives to fit together for purposes we could not have imagined.

It is now a few months after our wedding day. It is Missions Conference weekend in our Church. God speaks to both our hearts, and we commit to God “Wherever. Whenever. Whatever.” We don’t really have a clue as to what this will mean. But we say that we are willing to do whatever He may ask of us.

Unknown to us, He is constantly working on this tapestry, weaving the details in ways that only make sense to Him.

It is January of 2006. A Kenyan family has started attending our Church, and they are talking about taking a group of people back to Kenya with them to help in an orphanage. We wonder “is this what God spoke to us about??” We are so excited, and join the group.

Now, September, 2006. We have spent three weeks in an orphanage in Kenya. We loved deeply and completely. We also hurt deeply and completely. Something happens in both of our hearts during that time and we sense a strong assurance that we will be back. We just don’t know how or when or where.

And God is still working.

Missions Conference 2006. God has a way of using these weekends to speak to us, we realize. After a particular Sunday night session, God reveals to us His call in our lives to over-seas missions. We are scared, terrified, frightened, excited. This is it.

It is a few months later. Seven months, to be exact. May 2007. We apply with Africa Inland Mission. We say that we are looking into going to Africa for maybe three months. Or maybe six. We have an interview and our provincial mobilizer asks us if we would consider going for a year. A whole year? We pray about it. And agree. Still not knowing what we will be doing. Or even what country we will be going to. But we are excited.

We have months of waiting. Of paperwork. And applications. Stuff we don’t enjoy doing at all. We are tempted to give up and just stay home. But God doesn’t let us. And so we press on.

Missions conference 2007. We are encouraged to give our all to Christ. Our whole lives. Our whole being. It is just the encouragement we need to keep going.

November 2007 we hear about a possible placement in Nairobi, Kenya. Trevor working as a mechanic. I could get involved in youth ministry. It sounds so great. (even though we don’t want to live in the city, we think we could do it for a year..)

It is December 2007 and Kenya has elections. The following months leave Kenya in turmoil and trouble. They call it “post-election violence”. AIM calls it “possibly unsafe for you to come to Kenya at this time”. We are confused. We felt so much peace to come to Nairobi. What are we supposed to do? We tell AIM that we would still like to come to Nairobi if it is at all possible. Please just let us come. And so they do.

It is September 10, 2008. We leave home. We leave family. It is hard. We begin to wonder what we got ourselves into. We don’t know if we are cut out for this.

The next couple of months are so hard. I don’t have a placement. I don’t have very much love for Kenya. I am so disappointed. Trevor, meanwhile, loves his new job. He gets into his ministry very quickly. He find fulfilment. He feels like he could do this forever. I can’t wait for our year to be done. Little do we know how He is using this to teach us and create intricacies and designs which will only be beautiful later. At this point, we feel like this is a mess. We are a mess.

It is January 2009. We have survived our first Christmas away from home. Away from our country. And something changes. January brings about new life in our hearts and attitudes. It is like we have changed. Especially me. I get involved in ministry in the slum. I see a bit of God’s heart for the children living there. And my heart breaks. And my attitude changes. I can start to see why Trevor wants to do this forever.

We continue to get asked if we are coming back to Kenya after our year commitment is over. We say we don’t know. We say that it’s a tough decision. We say that God hasn’t shown us yet. But deep in our hearts, we know the answer. How could we not come back? But the thought is just so scary to say out loud. So we don’t.

It is June. Trevor gets asked officially if we will consider coming back to Kenya full time. It still sounds so scary to talk about. Such a big commitment. Such a drastic decision. But we know. We’ve known the answer all along. God has been preparing our hearts for so many years and we’ve just been too afraid to take the next step. To follow him completely. To run after Him wholeheartedly. We have been so afraid. So we decide to say yes. It is so scary. It is so exciting. It is so overwhelming. And yet it is so peaceful.

And we are given a glimpse of the beautiful, intricate work God is making of our lives. And it amazes us.

It is the day after our big decision. Satan comes after us. He discourages us. He frightens us. He tires us. He bombards us with doubts. With questions. With petty things that cause us to fight and disagree. He threatens disunity in our marriage. He discourages us in our ministries. We realize what this is and ask people to pray for us. The funny thing is that the very things that satan is trying to use to destroy us are the very things that make us want to be strong. To hold to our decision. To keep our eyes on Christ, no matter the cost. But this battle goes on for months. And we are a mess.

We decide to extend our year commitment by three months. We feel that God is not finished with us in Kenya. We need to stay longer.

It is July. And August. And September. While we are still struggling, we have peace. God is bringing new friends into our lives. God brings us closer to our cell group where we meet with Kenyan friends our age and discuss the Word of God. God gives us a Church family. Not just a Church. But a family. In the midst of the storm, God calms the waves.

And now. It is October. 2009. We have grown to love Kenya. We have grown to deeply love the Kenyan people. We have made very close friendships. We have fallen in love with our ministries. We feel fulfilment. We feel contentment. We feel that we are home. We both do. God has done different things in our hearts, but our stories are intertwined. We are at the same place.

Trevor has built strong, deep ties with his Kenyan co-workers. He has given new life to the shop. He has put his heart into it. Sweat. Blood. Tears. And has seen results. The difference is noticeable. The vision is sparked. The future is bright. The excitement is high. It is more than just a repair shop. It is a place of relationships. It is a place of restoration, but not just on vehicles. It is a place of great potential. It is God’s work. And Trevor is His more-than-willing vessel. It is exciting.

Mitumba slum. The place I have lost my heart. It may be with the girl who has lost her parents who now calls me Mom. It may be with the boy who is HIV+ and struggles every day. It may be with all the youth who inspire me with their questions and commitment. It may be with that little baby who begs for me to hold him. It may be with all those kids who’s parents abuse them every day. It may be with the kids who don’t have enough food to eat. The truth is, each of these and more holds my heart. And I don’t even want it back. I love this place. My heart loves this place. But my heart is also broken by this place.

Now. Only six weeks left. We feel a sense of panic. It feels wrong. We can’t be leaving yet. It’s too soon. We love it here. We are meant to be here. This is where we belong. And yet we know that the same God who has orchestrated our lives from the beginning, the God who sorted out all the problems, the One who showed us His plan piece by piece, the One who not only sees the big picture and gives us a small glimpse of it, but who also takes care of meeting the smallest of our needs….HE is the One who is in control!! He is the One who understands. He is the One who will bring us back to Kenya in His time. He knows! And it is in this that we find peace.

It is in Him that we find peace.

This tapestry God is creating is far from finished. And at many times looks far from beautiful. From where we sit, it looks like a mess. Like it doesn’t make sense. But God in His grace has allowed us a glimpse a time or two. Just a glimpse. He is creating beauty out of our mess. He is creating loveliness out of our confusion. He is creating splendour out of our pain. He is the Master Designer.

It is in Him that we become beautiful.